i must admit.. i've been reluctant on posting blogs for like 2835487246582736498 months!! gawddd..last post was ages ago..its like forever.. moving on.. i was in the mood now to write something., but editing my blogspot layout is like freakin composting ur own thesis!woo! im not good at this.. so i'l just leave it as is..
looking back seven months now..a lot of things happened.. some GOOD and NICE..but mostly BAD..DRASTIC.. HELL.. i understand that i should not go back to that since its already part of what we call PAST.. but this will be my ONE TIME BIG TIME blog on this matter..
>>>new year's eve of '08..i was reminiscing what happened to that year..pretty much it was fine..well not just fine..it was a BLAST..i had loads of fun..great achievements..new friends..and at least i was able to prove that i could do something ,that my family could be PROUD of me.. minutes and seconds to go..2009 is fast approaching.. i got so OVERWHELMED..i WISHED that it would be a GREAT year or at least just like 2008..but i guess this time i shouldn't believe that WISHES could come TRUE..
'09 started with a busy schedule..good thing i had my planner with me..so i cant keep track of what's happening daily..i had red cross training... passport application.. fixing credentials in preparation for finding a JOB..and lots of gimiks for feb..i found a new group of friends which i called TROPANG PUYAT but it started as TGIS..and we ended at being more than friends..we're more of like brothers and sisters now..after feb-march gimik days.. i realized that i need to get a much GROWN up life.. and that's looking for a job or at least something to do..that will pay off.. RECONNECT..that's what we did..a year after graduation apple and i decided to look for a job together during the months of april and may.. we didn't even know if we're looking for a job or just satisfying our needs to go out..hehe..job hunting turned malling.. dope!!
month of MAY was half half..half happy and half MISERABLE..no not half im sorry..it was 99% MISERABLE.. yes it was my birthday month that all the MISERABLE things in my '09 started.. what a GREAT GIFT.. just days before my birthday something happened that i cannot write here.. only my sis and good friends knows that.. that changed my life 360 degrees! i tried to cover up what happened that night but still nightmares bugs me that even now i still can't afford to forget about it..i just don't mention it or confide it but when im alone im still thinking WHAT DID I DO WRONG..FOR ME TO SUFFER THAT KIND OF THING? i even questioned GOD for that.. and yes HE answered.. he answered by giving me a job.. i guess that's He's own way of helping me forget those things that happened.. but i guess it didn't help..at all.. after that things got even worst.. sure i had fun at work.. but still sadness still prevails as STORMS rummaging my family didn't stop...
june..july..august.. lots of things happened..but still i could still manage to wear a SMILE..just to fake it..but mid september comes..that even a "plastik smile" wouldn't work for me.. it affected my work stats..my personal appearance at work.. and even my relationship with my friends at work even with my sis..yes,they could tell something's wrong..somethings bugging me.. but I who wants to keep my problem to myself didn't even bother to tell them..even if they're asking whats wrong..i didn't eat lunch with them and just lied that im going to sleep..but the moment i lay at the sleeping room and covered my face with the malong..thats the moment i bursted out my tears..crying hard and yet trying to keep it toned down.. i faked it with a cough so that other agents sleeping there wouldn't notice me..that day i guess would be the hardest thing that happened in my life.. so far...
things went back to normal..at least.. and after being independent in makati for a month i went back to my mom's side..in her new rented house.. yes NEW.. and again i HOPED that our lives would be better now that we're far from those people hurting us..but a week ago..hayyyyy eto n nman tau.. all i asked is that our lives to be peaceful and quiet after months of burdens.. but still kakambal ko na yata talaga ang problema eh.. i tried not to care about that matter anymore..but hey how could i not speak when its MY DREAM OF A PEACEFUL LIFE they're ruining.. that wednesday night would be the most dramatic day of my life in front of my mom..i guess she understood that im still carrying what had happened from may..til september..till now.. that's why i bursted out with super duper cry sa CR.. all i thought that night was why..why can't they just leave us alone!!!!! the moment i stepped out of the bathroom..im the most coldest person on earth i believed..from that night i said to myself that i wouldn't care for them..no matter what will happen to them..my hearts as hard as a STONE now.. nobody could ever change that..
earlier..we went to mega to shop..i tried to feel what i felt for them before..but i guess.. my heart's and my feelings has been so COLD as an ICE now and as HARD as STONE..i couldn't feel any warmth with her hug..
soooo many tears has been SHED.. and im soooo sick and TIRED of it..
this will be my first and last blog with this matter.promise next blogs will be exciting and FUN!
==>from a COLD BLOODED person..
-joan lorraine ^^
*note: i did not proof read this..sooo i apologize for my mistakes ^^
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